Romance Scams: A Cautionary Tale
The story below is fictional, but it represents thousands of reports made to the FBI and the FTC each year. Share it with someone you know who is dating online. 
Romance Scams: A Cautionary Tale
by T. Claire Kest, CFP®, CAP®
Sarah sat at her computer, her heart racing as she read the latest message from "James," her online boyfriend of three months. He had been deployed to Syria as a contract firefighter but was finally on his way home. James was distraught that his plane was rerouted and stranded in Dubai. He needed $2,500 to buy a new plane ticket. Excited to meet her new beau for the first time, she sent the money without thinking twice. He thanked her profusely and told her that she was the first time who made him feel hope since his wife died in a car accident two years earlier.
Then, the next day, instead of sharing news that he was on his way, he told her that the Army recalled him for an emergency deployment. Feeling disappointed, Sarah asked about the money for the plane ticket. He said he bought a non-refundable ticket, but the Army would reimburse him. It would take 6-8 weeks to process, and he would repay her as soon as he got the money back. Doubts assuaged, she continued the romantic relationship with her boyfriend, who told her how beautiful she was whenever she sent a new photo.
A few weeks later, he had terrible news! His 18-year-old son was in the hospital and needed emergency surgery. He sent a photo of him lying in a hospital bed. The hospital required a $10,000 deposit before they would operate. He would pay her back if she could front him the money, but he couldn't access his American bank accounts. A nagging doubt crept into her mind as her cursor hovered over the "Send" button. Was this love, or was she falling victim to a romance scam?
The Art of Deception
Romance scams are a cruel form of fraud that prey on people's emotions and desire for connection. These scams are not just about money; they're about manipulation, trust, and the human need for love.
Imagine this: You're browsing an online dating site, feeling hopeful about finding a connection. Suddenly, a profile catches your eye. The person is attractive, charming, and seems to check all your boxes. You start chatting, and before you know it, you're swept off your feet by their words and apparent devotion.
The Anatomy of a Scam
These skilled criminals carefully craft these personas to make the lonely and vulnerable lower their guards and open their hearts and, eventually, their wallets. They ask probing questions, learning about likes, dislikes, and vulnerabilities. They mirror interests and values, creating an illusion of a perfect match.
According to the Federal Trade Commission, out of the nearly 77,000 reports of romance scams in 2022, the four most popular excuses for needing money were:
- 24% said they (or someone close to them) are sick, hurt, or in jail
- 18% said they could teach the victim how to invest
- 18% said they needed help with an important delivery
- 7% said they've come into some money or gold
As the relationship progresses, they profess their love quickly and intensely. It feels like a whirlwind romance, the stuff of movies. But then, inevitably, comes the crisis. Whatever the story, it always ends with a request for money or personal information.
Protecting Your Heart (and Your Wallet)
So, how can you protect yourself from falling into this trap? Here are some tips from Sarah's journey:
- Keep it on the platform: Sarah complied when James requested that their conversations move to WhatsApp. When using a dating site and communicating with anyone out of state or overseas, keep communicating on that dating platform.
- Watch for red flags: Sarah started noticing inconsistencies in James' stories and his reluctance to video chat. These were warning signs she ignored.
- Consult a trusted friend: Sarah considered confiding in her best friend, Wendy. When she eventually told her friend about James, Wendy raised the red flags. An outside perspective helped her see the situation more clearly.
- Trust, but verify: At Wendy's suggestion, Sarah did Google image search of James' profile picture. Lo and behold, it was a stock photo.
- Never send money: This is the golden rule. No matter how compelling the story, never send money to someone you haven't met in person.
A Happy Ending
In the end, Sarah didn't send the money for the operation. She reported James' profile to the dating site and blocked all contact. It was painful; she lost $2,500 but knew she had dodged a much bigger bullet.
Months later, Sarah met Alex at a local cooking class. They hit it off immediately, and the connection was real this time. Remember, true love doesn't ask for your bank account details. Stay safe out there, and may your search for love lead you to genuine connections, not clever cons.
Sources:
https://www.ftc.gov/news-events/data-visualizations/data-spotlight/2023/02/romance-scammers-favorite-lies-exposed
https://www.fbi.gov/how-we-can-help-you/scams-and-safety/common-frauds-and-scams/romance-scams
